Outdoors Copy Critic is a feature of the The View From Out Here Blog – a service of Great Outdoors Copywriting. Each month I square off two blocks of copy from competing outdoors-industry companies and provide a quick head-to-head critique of how they sell the same or comparable products and/or services.
Today’s Product: Simms Headwater Gore-Tex® Stockingfoot Waders
The Contenders: Sierra Trading Post vs. Fly Shack
Sierra Trading Post: In true Sierra Trading Post style, this is a clean, no-frills page. In the size that first popped up on my Mac screen, I thought there was no copy block at all (at first) to provide me with the details I would need to buy online. I had to scroll down to find it. Ah, there it is …
The first graph has some pros and cons. “Closeout” is definately an attractive word that caught my attention, but the lead “Another winner from …” sounds like the harried copywriter just finished another Simms copy block seconds ago. However, the copy recovers quickly and hits me with three significant features/benefits “breathable … maneuverability … reinforced.”
Screenshot of Sierra Trading Post online catalog page.
The rest is a list of features with a few touches of benefits. The list helps me get a bit more information than I can see in the picture, especially the “Adjustable drawcord at top of wader” — a feature that I don’t have on my Simms waders, but could be a nice touch for when I try to wade across that hole that “looks like it’s not too deep.”
The most glaring missed opportunity in this copy block, however, was the big, black chest pocket. Is it waterproof? Is it neoprene? Does it drop down or just open at the top? Is it big enough that I can ditch my vest for the day? Enquiring anglers want to know!
Fly Shack: The lead pulls me in smoothly by painting a picture that also provides a bit of information. I may never use a pair of wadars in a “brackish estuary,” but I like knowing that these will hold up to salt water, as well. I would have tried to avoid “Stockingfoots,” though, with “Stockingfoot waders.”
Another strength of this copy block is that it gives me some detail about the “front leg seam construction.” There’s nothing worse than having that inside side-seam double up with the seam of your under-layer pants to form a painful bunch-up where the wading boots cinch things tight. I couldn’t make it out on the picture, at first, but the copy and the embedded videos helped me see the feature. Eliminating inseam abrasion is a strong benefit.
Fly Shack’s copy for Simms Headwaters Stockinfoot Waders.
A small, but nice touch was the brief explanation of the “built-in belt loop at center back.” From the picture, I couldn’t see how this belt was “built-in,” but a loop in the back would be nice. I’m always worried that I’m going to loose my belt when I have to climb out of the river for a pit stop.
The Winner: Real estate is valuable in printed catalogs, but there is no need to skimp for online catalogs. For either media, though, it’s best to focus and provide some in-depth benefits for just a few of the features than waste words on obvious features like “waterproof” or repeating “stockingfoot.” The first is redundant and the second is obvious. This month’s winner: Fly Shack!